Bettas and EmoTendencies

Greetings and salutations! Not much to report shirt-wise for now except that I’m currently training myself how to use textures. For those of you that are trying to learn it as well, I found a great tutorial. Take a look:

http://tracksix.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/tutorial-vector-texture/

I had to ignore the last part since it involved Illustrator, and I only have Photoshop. Photoshop is a big beast on its own though so learning it is quite enough for me for now. Once I get a few textures done, I intend to make them available here for free—no strings attached. I don’t know about you guys but I hate worrying about whether or not someone will sue me for using their stuff. I would rather help people out. All I ask is that you stay tuned and follow my blog! :)

I also found a tee texture Photoshop file through browsing the Threadless forums. This, in my opinion really helps spice up presentations.

http://rapidshare.com/files/84616902/tee_texture_master.zip.html

One other quick tee notification is that I’ve altered the colors of “Betta” a bit and put it up at Uneetee for voting. Some of you may remember this printed at Tee Fury last year. That’s one of many good things about Tee Fury. You get your rights back! :)



Since I don’t have a lot of tee related news, I’ll use the rest of this space to bare my soul a bit. I’ve yet to really do this in my blog, so I apologize if it seems to come out of nowhere. I guess I just had to get comfortable in this cyber macrocosm first. I used to write and want to be a fiction writer, but that went the way of my other impractical ideas like playing the violin and being a Disney 2D animator, LOL. Plus, I make too many grammatical errors. Anyway, back to soul baring:

I think I have dual personalities. I can be a silly and happy person, blissfully gliding through the busy but fulfilling routine of my life without pondering too much. All in all I’m quite satisfied with things. I can go for weeks simply wading in conversations with my loved ones. Most of the time I'm content with treading in the subjects of the weather, work, and general day-to-day events.

But sometimes I like to swim a little deeper. There’s a part of me that craves deep musings and analyses about why we all are the way we are. What are our character flaws and where did they come from? What are our deepest regrets and why? Did we end up the way we always thought we would as a child? Why were some of our most cherished relationships broken and is there any way to fix them? When I was in high school I had two friends who were eerily just like me. We listened to the Cranberries and Smashing Pumpkins and brooded over unrequited love or our discontent with our authority figures. My biggest regret in life is losing them. And it was incontestably my fault for losing them. Sometimes I’m overcome with the reality that I’ve lost them forever, but it comforts me that I’ve been able to make many new and equally beloved friends.

For some reason I was surprised to see that I’m in a minority. There aren’t many people that have the same need to view their soul with a microscope. So a lot of times I just sort of push that part of me down in a pocket somewhere and just try to be a normal, carefree, and fun person. I can be good at that too, and it is indeed less stressful—less anxiety. As a matter of fact, it’s good for me to practice this, because a side effect of my contemplative habits is anxiety. I need non-worrisome and assured people, one being my husband, to help me overcome anxiety. I credit my ability to control it to him.

But sometimes I miss my old emo self. Sometimes I just feel like exposing myself to repressed feelings and discontent with past and current unfortunate situations in my life. I always wonder—is it better to binge and purge negative feelings in order to heal, or is it better to forget them and move past them, even though they may linger in a pocket somewhere? I’ve been trying the latter method for a couple of years now. It seems to work, but lately I’ve been backsliding. Maybe I’m just going through a phase.